A Week To Celebrate

Happy July 4th weekend.  Now 6 weeks post-adoption, I’m also celebrating some accomplishments made by Evie this week.  

Weekly celebration #1 

Increasing trips out of the kennel to stretch, sniff air, walk to window (I counted at least 17 seconds standing at the window and staring out on one stint! 17 seconds of bravery and curiosity that outweighed her fear!). She began pausing to look out the dog-head-height window before or after pooing or peeing about two weeks ago.  But in the last week there have been three times that her window visits were not associated with a poo/or pee trip…just a trip specifically to look out the window.  Curiosity can help her overcome her fearfulness when combined with a consistent schedule (predictability) and a non-forceful, loving hand that often brings treats (trust).  She is unfolding!

Weekly celebration #2

She’s choosing more leisurely eating outside of her kennel, even during daylight hours.  Still has a lot of room for improvement here (she still keeps one foot in the kennel a lot of times when she can stttretcccchhh that giraffe neck to reach a treat at times).  But increasingly, she’ll surprise me by coming out with all four kegs a step or two, and eat without hurry.  I asked a trainer about the paranoid rapid looking around when she eats, and it was pointed out to me that animals may feel vulnerable when eating. It’s difficult to hear what’s going on around them with all that loud crunching in their head.  I’m working to spread her treats out even further from her kennel at night since she eats more at night and clearly feels more safe then.

Weekly celebration #3

Almost-play.  She doesn’t like most of the toys (and even many of the treats) I picked up for her in the first week or so.  So I took a chance on this ball with “teeth” to hold small treats. And guess what?  She LOVES it. She is very focused with removing the treats (the ones that I figured out she likes).  She clearly is more relaxed and enjoying herself with this toy.  She was totally focused on this for about 20 min with no furtive glances around the room, even when I popped my head up a few times to watch her from the bed nearby. 

Weekly celebration #4

Perhaps my favorite of the week: back sleeping! When I awake each morning, I review all photos taken by the motion-sensing cameras. One can has an SD card, which allows me to view a video recording of the motion. On July 6th she was sleeping on her back in the pre-dawn hours for an extended period (extended for her, which was about 5-7 minutes). This is huge! It’s a vulnerable position to expose her abdomen.  And it covers her ears so she can’t listen for movement from me in the bed nearby.  Lastly, her vision is obviously upside down and she can’t orient her perspective to potential threats as readily. There were lots of quiet squeals and fist pumps here this morning when I saw the video. She is becoming more relaxed…around me…in this space…with all this newness.  Way to go, Evie!! 

Lazy Days n Slow Blinks

Lazy weekend days when I’ve napped and she’s napped and she seems to have calmed so much that I can almost imagine she isn’t a fearful dog.  I get a glimpse of a loving dog. A relaxed dog. A dog that slow blinks at me as I slow blink at her. We take the good moments whenever we can around here. And this was a good moment. 

First Meeting: The Pull

The first time we met it was a Saturday in May at the New Life Asher House.  The room was slightly smaller than a bedroom, long and not very wide.  She went to the far side of the rectangle space.

Her handler held her long slip leash, and Evie stayed close by her. She wouldn't look directly at us. 

I spoke softly, used to winning over children and pets alike with my genuine love of both. 

No obvious effect. 

I slowly slid from my chair to the floor.  More talking, more soft cooing. 

Still no effect.  But I new she was fearful. So I came prepared.

I gently tossed a couple small dog treats her way, but she didn't even look at them. Her gaze remained fixed on the closed door leading to anywhere but the room...with us. 

Her handler slid to the floor and moved closer to us.  Evie followed reluctantly, staying close by the handler's side.  Then she began to shake.  Her back legs first.  Then her hips. After a few minutes her shoulders joined in. 

To my surprise, I began to cry.  The emotion of her fear and what caused it wasn't something I'd seen before.  Unfathomable, be it from neglect or abuse or both.  I cried for what she'd been through, and I cried for what I was putting her through just by being there.  And mostly I cried because I couldn't imagine that this dog would ever let me love her.   

I felt a pull towards her from the first moment I saw her picture online, inexplicable but palpable.  Most of us have felt it toward an animal or other human at some time or another.  Sometimes we ignore it, but it always kind of haunts us when we do, doesn't it?  

Of the 50 or so shelter dogs I'd met that day, I hadn't felt the pull towards any except for Evie.  I wasn't prepared for the magical pull and a crushing sense of departure in the same moment. 

I dried my tears and collected my heart.  Then something happened that set our paths on a course.  Her handler scratched her chin, and the shaking stopped (everywhere). And if a dog could crinkle their eyes in contentment, she did.  She did the eye crinkle. 

And I thought with renewed joy, "There she is.  That's her.  That's the dog she was meant to be." My heart melted in warmth and joy took flight.  I can make her eyes crinkle, me -- the charmer of cats and kids and sometimes dogs.  

I dried my eyes, looked at her handler, and said "I have some things to get in order.  I'll be back next Saturday to take her home if that's ok."  

Our journey began there, though I didn't bring her home for a week.  

My next post with be about stuff...allll the stuff dogs need, or which I thought they need, and am still figuring out if they need.  Especially highly fearful dogs. 

4 weeks and a day

Evie has been here…in my home…now her home… for four weeks and a day.  I have not touched her yet.  She doesn’t trust me enough yet to take food from my hand. And she leaves her open-door kennel only to potty and eat/drink (though there may have been one exception to that!). 

We have met with an online trainer twice. I have read every blog and article I can find. I have read all the resources listed on this blog’s resource list (many of them twice). 

Am I discouraged? Often times, yes. 

Am I saddened by the forlorn way in which she lays in her kennel and looks out the window? Every minute of every hour. 

Do I sometimes panic and feel consumed with self-doubt?  Several times a week. 

But is this about me? No. No it is not. 

This is Evie’s journey. And every time I doubt or panic or feel sad or discouraged, I remember that it’s about her needs. She is progressing. She is gaining trust.  She is loved and fed (very well!), and she is safe and comfortable.  And she is progressing at her pace. Not mine. Not yours, dear reader.  Hers. Because it’s Evie’s journey and I’m just along for the ride.